28 Apr 09: I almost forgot to send this to you! I'm still up at this late hour. Started to listen to a radio program and realized what time it was. Anyway, I went to the gym. Later than what I wanted to do, but I got my butt there. There was a guy who was training someone. To me, he looked like someone who was never fat in his life and had no noticeable fat on him I told Ryan, the guy behind the desk. I said: "I don't think I could ever look like that." Ryan: "You know, we all have potential."I know that it wasn't potential that got my body to where it was before I met you. And I know that I am working very hard and trying not to have a set back. I'm trying to figure out a way so that reward is not the reason I am doing this. It's very old programming, and I have to be patient. That's the hard part. 29 Apr 09: Thank you for a great meeting today. I went to the gym and told Gina and Ryan about the weight loss. They both have been terrific and supportive. I can't wait for Billy to come back and to give him the news. I went out to eat with my cousin this evening. He bought me dinner and took me to Trader Joe's to get groceries. It was nice to spend time with him. Tomorrow I'm going to fix pasta. I have to remember to put down the calorie count from my gym workouts. I think I forget to do that sometimes. I rented all of the Indiana Jones movies from Netflix and will be watching them this weekend.

30 Apr 09: I did get to the gym, albeit it very late in the afternoon. I did everything that Billy said for me to do, and yet I only burned 260 calories. I was a bit disappointed in the amount. But I was reminded that if I had not gone to the gym, I would not have burned so much in one hour's work. The key being that I got to the gym in the first place. I am hoping that I will get to the gym earlier in the day tomorrow so that I can clean my apartment. I have an inspection by the Section 8 office on next Friday. I am a packrat, and I need to clean out some stuff. Pray that I get it done before next Thursday. Food went well today. I finally got some TJ Fat Free Popcorn. I ate one bag. YUMMY! Now I have some for the movie watching this weekend. I am feeling OK. I am glad that I am on this path right now.

01 May 09: I made it to the gym and did my cardio. I made sure that I burned at least 400 calories. Thank you for supporting me in getting to the gym. I made it each day from Monday through Friday. Food was OK today. I watched one of the Indiana Jones movies and had some TJ popcorn. I had a very nice evening. Now I've got to figure out to do my homework in the rain!

02 May 09: I hope that your weekend is going well. I spent most of the day with my cousin Steve. We went to IKEA in Emeryville and he took me out for dinner in Japantown. The food is going OK.

03 May 09: I did not get out of bed today until very late in the afternoon. It took me forever to roll out of bed and get ready for the day. I walked to the local Safeway. I really wanted french bread. I was feeling lonely and wanted something to cover up the feeling of sadness. So I purchased a Grace Baking Pugelese loaf which you bake in the oven. I purchased a pork tenderloin as well. I wanted to eat all of the 14 ounces of pork and the bread without anything else. As I began to eat the bread, one slice and then two, the oven timer went off. I was ready to eat the pork loin. Then I realized that I needed some kind of veggies to go with it. I ate a baby spinach salad and got out some carrots too much on. What ended up happened is I didn't eat the whole loaf, and I had pork left over. I have to finish my cleaning project, and I have not started it.  I will be talking to my therapist tomorrow about these feelings and trying to unpack the reasons why I do this. I feel ashamed now and ready to go to bed. I hope that I feel better tomorrow.

04 May 09: I had a great workout with Billy today. It was nice to see him back. Mike shared some pix of their trip with me. Billy kicked my rear end, which was good. His attitude is upbeat, and that helps me a lot. He changed things up, which made things challenging. I made sure to eat lunch before my therapy appointment. My session with my therapist went very well. We went deep into some of why I overeat. One thing that came out of today's session is that I am a work in progress, in the midst of a great transformation, and that I am learning to listen to my body and heal myself. I've been living behind a wall, and that wall is coming down. Manuel, you are part of this major change in my life. Thanks. Tonight, I was partner-less at Bridge. I had the chance to watch other people play, which was interesting. However, Tony, another player, gave me a chance to play with his partner for the second half of the class, which I was grateful.

05 May 09: I hope that your week is going well. I had a headache since I woke up this morning. Not a great way to start the day. Billy called, and wanted to see if I could change our workout time. I told him that I wasn't feeling that great. He told me to "buck up, mister." I thought of throwing the phone across the room, but after thinking for a minute I decided to go into the gym any way and workout with him later in the day. I was still not feeling great, so Billy changed things up and we went outside for a walk and some exercise in a park near the gym. It helped with the headache.

Tomorrow I will be doing cardio. I'm still trying to get my place in order. I spoke to the Resident Manager of the building. He said that he would be happy to come by and see if there will be a problem with my piles. Every day I've been doing a little bit to get things ready for it. I found out yesterday that I got a scholarship to attend a retreat this weekend in the Marin headlands. It starts on Friday evening and ends on Sunday afternoon. If I can get transportation up and back from there it will be the first time I've been away from home since I've started with you and Billy. The food up there is delicious, and will be vegetarian. I'm thinking about bringing some snacks with me. But I don't want to put the cart before the horse. I'll keep you posted.

Author: Kevin Johnson, 2009 Commit to Fit Winner