21 May 09Today I woke up tired. I've tried to go off one of my pain meds, but last night I was in pain enough so that I had to take three pills just to fall asleep. Speaking of sleep, my sleep doctor wants me to come in to see her in the morning. I think she wants to schedule another sleep study. The problem with the sleep study is I can't sleep at the clinic, so I never fall asleep. It is very frustrating, and I hate the CPAP machine. Trying to look for the gratitude here. It's not coming. Today was a pretty light day at the gym. My back is still bothering me, and I think I'm going to have to wait to taper off the one pain medicine. All I wanted to eat today was fried chicken. I told Billy, and he suggested I look online for a low calorie one. Then he gave me my homework for the weekend; I've got to go up the stairs of my building, all 42 stories,(that's 84 flights total). This is the last thing I want to do during the Memorial Day weekend. If I'm going to do that in one day then I get to eat fried chicken. I cant look outside while I'm doing it, I'll probably be alone, since most people in the building take the elevator, and I want a reward for doing it. Knowing that I can go up a tall building without using the stairs is not a reward. 22 May 09 Thank you for taking time out of your long weekend to call me. It meant a lot, and I'm grateful. Today was not a good day with my food. I ended up going to Safeway and purchasing 2 packages of Chicken Breasts. (Foster Farms chicken with skin and bone) It actually came out to the same price as the Fried Chicken. I came home, put one package in the freezer, and broiled the other one. I ate two chicken breasts for dinner, along with a salad of baby spinach and garbanzo beans. I had two juice bars. Normally I would have had fruit for the end of my dinner but I thought "what the hell" and had the bars and no fruit. It was not the most ideal meal, but I still got my chicken fix. Maybe I should have bought the fried chicken, but I was afraid that if I did I would have leftovers and I would not have thrown away the chicken I hadn't eaten. Does that make sense? I'm still dealing with some back pain, so I did not do any cardio. If I get me the aqua shoes I may be in the pool this weekend. 23 May 09 Today started out with making some choices that I'd wished I had done differently. I went with my cousin to the Lucky Penny Restaurant, which is a  greasy spoon located at Geary and Masonic, next to the Trader Joe's. I chose to have the same breakfast as my cousin, pancakes, eggs, sausage, and coffee. It was the first time that I'd had a traditional American breakfast since beginning my journey. It was probably not the best choice, but I did not let the choice keep me away from the plan. When I came home from spending the day with him, I was able to go back to the kinds of foods that I have been eating that I am comfortable eating. I still need to work on how not to demonize food. Rather, to take your lead, and prepare for situations like this morning and plan my day's food accordingly. I'm going to have coffee with a friend tomorrow, and I'm hoping that the weather will be amazing. By the way, I did something tonight that I couldn't do before working with you. I was able to take a bath in my own bathtub. It was great to relax and to pamper myself. Thanks for your love and support. 24 May 09 I hope that you are enjoying the Memorial Day holiday weekend. I am doing OK today. I spent part of the day with some friends at Cafe Flore. It was nice to be outside, even though when I was in the Castro a jacket was required due to the fog. When I came home from the cafe I went downstairs to the gym in the building and spent about 40 minutes doing cardio. I spent part of the time on the stationery bike and also the arc trainer machine. It looked too cool to be in the pool, plus there was a party of pretty rowdy folks near the pool anyway. Then I came home and had some dinner. I am trying not to focus on the weigh-in on Wednesday. I have to turn it over, and know that I'm learning and this is not a race or a contest. 25 May 09 I had a pretty good day. I did some stuff around the house, and I did some cardio in the building gym, low key day. Food went OK. I'm trying to stay in the present and not worry about the weigh-in on Wednesday. I'm going to see Billy tomorrow morning. I will not be seeing him the rest of the week as he is preparing for recertification. 27 May 09 Thanks for a great meeting today. I am going to put up near my computer area some of the notes that I made today during our session. I also wanted to tell you that I made a subtraction error calculating the total weight I am down. It's 74.6, not 84.6. I felt sad that it was not as dramatic a drop as before yet a seven pound change in the right direction is nothing to sneeze at! I worked out this afternoon at the gym in my building. I did some cardio on the bike and the arc trainer. It is great to have this opportunity present itself to me at this time in my life. I am grateful to the Building Manager for arranging my membership to the gym. I will be going to DIAKADI tomorrow morning to do my weight training and will be seeing my sleep doctor. I'll give you a report tomorrow. I am so grateful for your love and support. PS: Did I tell you that I was chosen as DIAKADI client of the month? 28 May 09 Today I worked out on my own, since Billy is in a class all the rest of the week. I did OK. I forgot how to do one of the exercises, and had to ask Gina what it might be. After doing a set, I realized I was doing it wrong! Practice makes perfect, I guess. I met with the sleep doctor, and she ordered another sleep study. So I will be going back to the clinic on Sunday night to spend another eventful evening with 95 diodes attached to me while they figure out whether or not I need to continue using a CPAP machine. This afternoon I met with my therapist. We talked about how my body is changing. I will be seeing him next Tuesday. I am planning to do some writing over the weekend around some of the things that came up today in therapy.

Author: Kevin Johnson, Commit to Fit Winner 2009