Commit to Fit | Week 48
On Saturday I met up with Sarah (Eating Free) and Billy and Mike (DIAKADI) to interview the 2012 Commit To Fit finalists at DIAKADI. The candidates were a diverse group, men and women from all walks of life, spanning a 35 year age range. I listened to them tell their stories...many of which were very familiar to me because, one year earlier, I'd sat in that very chair and told the same stories.
I heard about huffing and puffing while tying shoes, not fitting into restaurant booths or airplane seats or roller coasters, health issues and fears of health issues. I heard frustration and embarrassment. I heard excuses. I heard about rejection and being treated differently. I heard about making bad decisions. I heard about failure to meet certain goals. One candidate had lost a hundred pounds several years back and had gained most of it back. Another had taken off his shirt in his application video which I thought was powerful. One candidate had managed to lose 50 pounds on her own in the last four months, which I thought was very impressive. Another said she wanted to be able to wear tight dresses like her friends and pick up men. In the end we all just want to fit in, don't we?
I thought a lot about my Commit To Fit interview from back in February 2011. I was so nervous being in a gym. I think it might have been my first time in a real gym. I remember trying to convince people that I was ready to do this, even though in my head I was afraid that I'd be a massive failure. I remember being asked where I might see myself in 5 years after successful completion of the program. I remember not really having an answer because I'd never really dared to think about losing all the weight. Today, I've lost over 100 pounds and I still don't have an answer. I am trying to stay focused on the present, and not worry so much about the future. I'll get there when I get there, right?
I remember the week between my interview and when I finally got the call from Billy saying I'd be the winner for 2011. During that week, I was so scared because I'd come so far motivationally that if I didn't win I'd HAVE to do something about my weight but I had no idea what that would end up being. I remember being glad that I'd ended up telling about ten friends that I was applying for CTF; in the back of my head I was hoping they'd all be there to nag me to do something if I didn't win.
When Billy called me to tell me that I'd won, I remember feeling relief...and dread. I was so nervous about how the hell I was going to pull this off. "I'm going to eat right and exercise for a year, and lose a ton of weight?" I thought. "This will be a one-man comedy show that will write itself."
I'd say that assessment is half true. Yes, there's going to be a one-man show but I'm not sure it'll be all humor. As I predicted this whole thing has been fun, funny and downright ridiculous at times...but overall has felt pretty serious. I've wrestled with some very real demons and had to do a lot of work and overcome a lot of obstacles during this year. And let's not forget I still have more than 40 pounds to lose, so it's not over until the fat lady sings. A fat lady who, let's be honest, is actually a thinner version of me, in an awful dress, performing a one-man show on a rickety stage in San Francisco's Mission District.
I must say I am jealous of the 2012 Commit To Fit Winner. The rewards ahead will be exhilarating. What I wouldn't give to do it all over again in a second! I say this without hesitation.
Congrats to the winner! I'll see you around the gym.