Commit to Fit | Week 36-38
My weigh-in continues to record progress on my journey, as I have entered 260sville. As of 12.15.12, I have lost a total of 63.2 lbs. I now weigh 264.6 lbs. I’m still on track and feeling good about the upcoming holiday. I know I have the tools necessary for me to be successful in continuing to live a healthier lifestyle. I just need to ensure I use them and don’t rest on the past couple of weeks’ losses. I will continue the work because I now am recognizing and feeling the value of doing the work.
Rather recently I turned 44. I have never really ever felt my age and definitely not 44. If I had to choose an age, I would say 32, maybe 33… I see myself as young in spirit with good skin. I have never felt as young in mind, soul and body as in the past 2 weeks. I had some benchmark moments in the past weeks. The first was that I shopped for clothes for the first time at regular stores and not the big & tall store. I had a much larger selection to choose from and could try on – and fit into – at least 20x the available merchandise a big & tall store even carries. At one jeans store, I fit in a size 42 waist jean and had to get a new belt. It was the first time in my adult life I bought pants outside of the big boy store. I wondered if anybody could ever really know the satisfaction of buttoning those jeans and feeling good in them. It didn’t matter. I knew and felt it. It was a private joyous explosion of feelings in public, leaving me feeling a bit exhibitionistic. It definitely boosted my confidence and self-esteem. It was the happiest I have felt in a few months. I have also gone down to a size 2x shirt. I immediately began to make a list of all the stores I have waited years (in some instances a lifetime) to shop at. The list became quite extensive quickly. I did a mental check to before I proceeded with a shopping rampage. There was no rampage –this time at least. My list continues and I am extremely happy that I have given myself new and exciting options on all of my life’s fronts.
The second benchmark that I recognized over the past weeks: I have more energy and felt I could handle a fuller more active day. In the course of my weekend, a friend and I followed a group of Santas and elves around town seeing what holiday cheer and trouble they were causing which was fun. I didn’t feel following partying Santas, running errands, finishing up those final holiday tasks to make it a more relaxing holiday for everyone, especially myself, and shopping were laboring to me in any fashion. For the most part, I was on foot traveling around town, not requiring rest in between as had been needed in the past. I found some stamina. This pleased my eco-conscious friend to no end. He pointed out now I saw the value in opting to walk and/or use public transportation as opposed to driving all of the time. I added that it saved all that money usually spent on parking and meters and reduced my carbon footprint all while getting exercise. I benefit and the environment benefits too. Overall, I felt more productive and knew I had managed my available down- time much better. I was DOING and more importantly getting life lived. I was not procrastinating and saving life to be completed at a later time. The only time I realized is now. There is no other time. I reflected on the years I have spent as a couch potato and time waster NOT doing, always seemingly being in a stupor caused by food or boredom or the dangerous combination of both. I have spent countless hours watching TV and being involved in so many other people’s lives and issues, I totally had not dealt with myself and my issues – weight. Time to deal.
By not facing my weight issue head on until recently in the scheme of my life, I was accepting less than - way less than – mediocrity for and from my life. Its mind boggling I have not made the connections before. What do you say to yourself about that? There is not much to say…I stopped abusing myself a few months ago and are only being positive and encouraging from now on. The true success for the past few weeks is that for the first time in the entire program, I had a major shift in my self-perception. I do not feel like the outsider fat kid any longer. This has been at least 35 years or so in the making. I do not feel victimized in any way for the first time. I now have control. I feel like I matter. Yes, me mattering…new and strange concept. Bottom line – Karl’s got a new lease on life. It’s the best Christmas present ever!